I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman.... sometimes.
(If you have never read Proverbs 31 out of the Bible, I recommend putting that on your to-do list.)
Proverbs Chapter 31 has been quite the staple in my life. There are many defining moments that I remember being challenged by this chapter.
When I was a young pre-teen girl, just trying to be normal and cool all at the same time, I used this as my compass for who I was to become: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (vs 30). As long as I focus on just Jesus, all the weird and awkward feelings were supposed to go away. I didn't need boys, skinny legs, or manipulation to get what was best for me. I knew that. I soaked and stayed in that verse. But probably didn't buy into it for myself.
In high school, I began to date more seriously. (well, if you call middle school love "dating") I realized that in order to keep my image, I had to appear to be a certain person. I had real friendships and relationships, but I don't think I was vulnerable to who the woman was inside of me. I worked mainly on the outer. "Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come" (vs 25). I dreamt about my future, and even prayed for my future. I had a relationship with the Lord. But if you would have taken away my friendships and relationships, you would barely see Jesus. My spiritual identity was wrapped up in what I did and who I was with.
College. OH COLLEGE. I went through several growing stages now that I can look back and see the progression. I thought I was in the big time moving into Kenny Ford Hall. I quickly realized that my "Christian" friends could never have prepared me for what I got in college. I didn't understand why everyone wanted to drink, sleep with boys, and drink some more. I put myself on a platform of superiority. "I can't believe she did that! I would never even dream about... " The condemnation went on and on. I was thrown into a world that I had only ever heard about. I believed this to be true of me... "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all" (vs 29). I was conceited and stuck up.
Friendship humbled me. I met some incredible women in college; many of whom were in my sorority. A lot of these women had not grown up in the same places as me. It broadened my perspective of the world. For the first time in my life, I saw how some of the sin I thought was despicable, was acceptable. I had to continue to be re-centered like clay on a potter's wheel. I found friends that shared the same direction in their hearts as me, but some I loved more because they didn't. For the first time in my life, I questioned. And it was good.
Ironically enough, I ended up liking going to bars. I enjoyed the beverages, friends, and conversations. I still have a strong opinion about legalism in the Christian church based off of many conversations held in small corners of Aggieville. I fought with God on why some things that were never designed to be wrong, became wrong.
While contemplating alcohol, a friend from Camp War Eagle and I sat at an Arkansas coffee shop. And wouldn't you know, Proverbs 31 came up. I had never closely read the first 10 verses. But she showed me something that I would never forget. "Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more" (vs 6-7). While I spent a few years of my college career frustrated over this topic, the answer was right in front of me. There are other passages in scripture that reference the sin of being drunk. But this, I had never encountered. I realized that God is not a God of detailed rules. He simply created us for worship. If I can have a beer in a bar with a friend, and the conversation brings him worship, GET IT DONE! And praise Jesus.
Proverbs 31 struck again.
"An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life" (vs 10-12).
This is the part of my life that I always read and dreamed about. But as I was scraping that crusty cheese pan the other night, I realized that I am NOT the Proverbs 31 woman. I will never fully BE the Proverbs 31 woman. I am Candice. I became frustrated with the concept of a wife that has to "rise while it is still night and provide food for her household" (vs 15). I didn't want to do that, and I don't know if I would ask God to make me want to want that. But here is what I do know....
In my frustration, I sat down to read through the well known passage once again, asking God to renew my view of this life calling of being a wife. I read through the chapter, and then flipped through the footnotes. This is one of those defining P31 moments, so I'll write the footnote:
[122] 31:10 Verses 10-31 are an acrostic poem, each verse beginning with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet.
WOW. God knows me and loves me so much that he designed one of the most difficult callings in my life to be a poem, so I would like it more! He is an artistic, loving, creative Father that just knows exactly what is best for my life. He knows me so intimately that he designed that moment that I would read that footnote to show me how much he loves me.
I know that my commitment to be a wife won't be the easiest calling, but this is another example of how God has drawn me to himself to let me know that it is HIM that accomplishes the impossible.
And when I look at all that God has done, it makes it so much easier to scrape that crusty cheese off.
